If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
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Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
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He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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