1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
