When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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