I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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