Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
