i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
