even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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