The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Girls should come with a carfax report
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
