Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
