Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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