exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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