I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
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Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet