he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
