dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
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Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
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I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard