I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome