laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible