Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.