During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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