I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
