Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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