I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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