can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
