i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
it's like iHOP with fire
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
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