sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
