So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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