What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
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Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
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I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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