It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
