Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
