youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
