Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
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Too much gin, very little bucket
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
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