I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
