So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
