Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
