I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
