Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
