omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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