So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
