I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Randomize
