moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
