I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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