the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
