Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
