So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
