bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
nutella sex= disaster
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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