Fine. I'll sleep in my office
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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