You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
