When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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