That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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