I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
