you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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