i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
