If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
