Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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