I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
