i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
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No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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