she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
