I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This baby is an asshole
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
