Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
