Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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