Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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