Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
