dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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