Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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