wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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