Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I got inside last night via doggy door
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize