she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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