This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
