I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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