youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
