i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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