Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
