Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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