I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Randomize
