Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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